And so it begins...

Seventh grade was a horrible year for me, spent mostly being tormented by other children for my weight.  In fact, more often than not, one would have thought my name was "Buffy," not Wendy, as that shortened version of the word "buffalo" was what my classmates determined to call me in the hallways and under their breaths during class.  I was humiliated and don't remember having many real friends.  The summer after that miserable year I started my first "real" diet through "The Diet Center."  On that plan, I would eat very structured meals while taking a handful of vitamins throughout the day.  The worst part was the hot lemon drinks I had to force down several times a day - they consisted of warmed water with powdery lemon-flavored vitamins mixed in.  Ugh, just the memory makes me wretch!  I lost over 30 pounds on that diet and started 8th grade a thinner, yet still insecure, me. 

Over the years, I have gained and gained, yet I didn't do any formal weight loss plans again until I tried the South Beach diet about 10 years ago.  I stuck to it and lost about 30 pounds (30 pounds seems to be my "cut off" point).  It was exciting to get down to below 200 pounds for the first time since sometime before high school and I vowed to never allow myself to reach that point again. 

Of course, I broke that vow.

Over the course of several years, I not only gained that weight back, but I gained it back plus some.  From that point on, I have cycled through the weight loss programs, including Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, and some metabolic specific program offered through my gym.  I have worked out diligently with a personal trainer, as well as on my own.  I even went through initial counseling and preop appointments with a bariatric surgeon.  However, I backed out before the surgery, scared of the potential side effects. 

So, here I am, starting the Optifast program.  I learned about it by researching a local physician who happens to specialize in internal medicine, bariatrics, and endocrinology and focuses on working with patients who need a medically supervised weight loss plan.  As someone who works in health care, I found the idea of having a physician to whom I would be accountable and would be monitoring my health (via regular blood testing) to be an upside to working with him, as opposed to going back to Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig.  Plus, my weight has spiked to an all time high and it is time for drastic measures...hence, the Optifast.

Optifast, as I discovered yesterday during my initial health screening with Dr. S, is a drastic step.  It will consist of eliminating all foods from my diet and using meal replacements for 12 weeks.  These meal replacements consist of shakes, bars, and soup, which I am very apprehensive about because I have never enjoyed the taste of such items.  Basically, this is a liquid diet that severely restricts the amount of calories you take in over a 24-hour period, with most people having 800-1200 calories a day.  (The actual number you have depends upon your BMI; my BMI will call for me starting at 1200 calories/day, which will eventually decrease to 800/day). 

After the initial 12-week period, I will be transitioned to a 10 week phase where food is slowly added back into my diet.  Over the entire 22-weeks of the program, I will take part in weekly psychologist-led counseling sessions to redefine my relationship with food, as well as meet with a registered dietitian.  The goal is to pretty much take a break from food, during which time I will relearn how to eat and how to work around my triggers. 

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit apprehensive.  This program is quite expensive and I don't want to spend money for another program that doesn't work in the long run.  However, I have to make it work this time.  I am starting to see that I am having back pain and other issues related to being overweight, not mention the psychological damage I do to myself each time I look into a mirror and take part in negative self-talk. 

It is time to make a change.