Hi all, it's been a while, hasn't it?  I even missed posting about my first week weigh-in.  Well, even falling off the bandwagon, so to speak, I lost a total of 7.7 pounds in week 1.  My blood pressure was also down from the first time I was in the clinic.  The sad thing is that, although I know this is a great loss, I was hoping for more.  But, I'm okay with the loss...I mean, when was the last time I lost 7+ pounds in ONE WEEK?!  Pretty groovy!

Today I received some tests back regarding my bloodwork and I am a bit concerned that my liver enzymes seem to be out of range.  Although the clinicians I work with tell me not to worry about it too much, I still called Dr. S. to see what he has to say.  The last thing I need is for my liver to go kaput! 

So...here's to keeping it real until Wednesday evening, which will be the when I weigh-in for Week 2...

Personal Responsibility

This week's group "homework" was to read and reflect upon the Lifestyle Education Series chapter on Personal Responsibility.  [Aside: The Lifestyle Education Series is a binder given to you that has a chapter each week you are on the weight loss phase of Optifast.  Each chapter includes something to read/work on for that particular week, which will be discussed in the group following group meeting.]  After reading it this morning, I have done a lot of thinking about how I can be more responsible for my actions and reactions to things in life.  One thing I decided is that, if I'm on this journey, I must be honest about the process and take responsibility for the "potholes" into which I may fall. 

Yesterday I mentioned that it was a stressful day, I let things get "under my skin" and started ruminating about how everything could just be better "if....."  As a result, I learned that stress is one of my triggers for eating. 

And, guess what?  I ate. 

In the past I would never admit when I slipped up and took a step backward, but I am not going to be that way here.  I know that people are reading this blog (thank you!) and I feel that I need to post the good with the bad.  I need to take personal responsibility, but don't think I didn't consider just picking up where I left off and never "telling."

Anyway, I was the one who put the extra food into my mouth last night.  I'm the one who actually got up, popped popcorn and ate it.  Who cooked spaghetti and ate it.  No one else.  Me.  I did it.  And, believe me, I am not proud.  I know I've let people down, most of all myself, but also the wonderful guy I am dating who has been by my side and very vocal with his support.  As ashamed as I am of myself, it is the disappointment that I think he will have when reading this that hurts me the most.

I knew that I had gotten off schedule yesterday, having my lunch shake/bar a bit later than I should have and then didn't have the mid-afternoon shake at all.  It was so close to dinnertime that I decided I'd just skip that shake and have the soup/shake for dinner and then the after dinner bar.  However, after dinner, I will admit, I was hungry, or what I thought was hungry....I really don't know anymore.  Was it in my head, or was I truly hungry?  I guess I'll have to work that out on my own...the physical hunger v/s psychological hunger that was mentioned in last group. 

It doesn't matter though, whether I was bored, hungry, or stressed.  Those are all excuses for why I ate off plan.  Personal responsibility would say that I ate, I'm the one who made the conscious decision to do so.  I own that.  Now, today is a new day and I'm going to treat it as such.  Back to being on schedule...come Hell or high water, I'm sticking to the schedule today.

If you are on the Optifast program and have read the Personal Responsibility section, you'll understand this, my final comment for today....

 ....I am starting to see the pothole and I'm learning to walk around it. 

The first drink...

Last night I went to my first group meeting where there were five people who had been on the program for various amounts of time (two of whom were getting ready to transition to Phase II) and three of us who were starting the actual program today.  Although I have always been a bit hesitant about group therapy sessions, tending to be the quiet one who sits in the corner not speaking, I really enjoyed this one, feeling comfortable and very welcome.

Talking to everyone, it seems there are a wide range of experiences.  Some report no problems with feeling hungry, saying the Optifast meals completely satisfy them; others say they have been hungry throughout the program, but continue to stick with it.  Likewise, you are not expected or coerced into telling your weight loss, but everyone was quite open with their success stories, with some people having lost almost 20 pounds in two weeks and another who was getting ready to transition and had lost almost 50 pounds.  Others have different stories, some not having lost quite as much, but everyone is seeing downward movement on the scale. 

I, for one, have a scale at home, but have resolved to not use it.  Unlike in other diets, where I weighed myself daily, I am going to take this experience week by week and weigh in only on Wednesday evenings before meeting.  No more daily weight obsession!  I am hoping that changes in my clothing will begin to show me that I am succeeding without the need for the scale.

This morning, as I write this, I have had my first Optifast meal replacement - a strawberry "shake."  It was one of the pre-mixed, boxed variety, as I am all about convenience.  I will admit, it was gross and had me gagging after the first sip, but I did manage to get it down (albeit by holding my nose and chugging at one point).  Prior to tasting it, I wondered if the small 8oz box would be enough to sustain me until my next meal; after tasting it, I have to admit I was happy to not have a larger serving!  In a few hours I will have lunch, which will be another shake (this time chocolate) and a bar.  I am really hoping the chocolate is better!  Right now, the way my plan is set up, I will have two strawberry shakes and two chocolate shakes per day, along with two bars and one soup....don't worry, I'll let you know how everything tastes!

I am hoping that, like in the past, my taste changes as my taste buds "forget" the true sweetness of sugar and processed foods and become more accepting of these new, Optifast replacements.  Otherwise, this is going to be a long 12-16 weeks.